The “F'” word

I, like many other people of size, steer away from this word. I only call my cat “fat”. Being “the fat girl”, “the tall girl”, “the tomboy”, the freak” for most of prepubescent years has had an unexpected effect on me. I swore up and down that I wasn’t effected at all by this; I was still the brash, rough and tough, daring me I had blossomed into. Now, ask the 13 year old me if it bothered me…uhm duh, of course it did. Being called things like glutton, ugly, giant, beast, Mankind(look him up) will eventually get to a person. Especially if it’s a daily occurrence. I didn’t make waves, I raised my hand to answer questions. I didn’t start fights, I was too busy singing the pain out in choir or playing sports. Little did I know, that the now grown me would come to find that the reason her hair was a little thicker, her tummy rounder, her hips narrower, her shoulders wider, even the damn food cravings I would get is because of genetics. Fucking genetics. Think that would have been a valid argument to bring up to other 13 year olds? 13 year olds who don’t care about the feelings of those being teased, instead care too much about the laughs their words got from others? As if. It still isn’t valid in 2011, If your overweight'; ITS AUTOMATICALLY YOUR FAULT! No if’s and’s or but’s about it. Your ass has cellulite? YOUR fault. Your arms are jiggly? YOUR fault. You gain weight mostly in the middle? YOUR fault. Why must there be something to blame? Why do we need to look for things we can use as a crutch?

Society. That’s why

The above image is of the model I had posted a pic in my last post. This image was taken off of one of the many sites she models for by some poor child with a severe case of bulimia and anorexia. She ruins this gorgeous picture with the message she is conveying, that if you eat food your gonna get fat, and if your fat, there’s no reason to live. I’m serious, check out this disturbing Tumblr. Its your blog, do as you like, in no way am I bashing skinny people. They have it tough too…thanks to society in the western hemisphere-YOUR OK IF YOUR RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE-but being on either end of the superficial scale is a no-no. Where does personal taste come in? Is it the default setting for the vast majority of this day and age?

Is there certain things about myself I want to change? Yes. Is there certain (physical) traits I wouldn’t change? Yes…yes there is, whether its my eyes, or my legs, or my height, I can honestly say I do like something about myself. There will always be something that irks the back of my brain, but that’s ok, its gonna happen as it does to everyone. My hair won’t look the same two days in a row, but I’ll make sure its combed! I will put that wide foot of mine in front of the other one and work with what I was given. I’ll dress how I want, put on makeup how I want and put on that brave face I found back when I was 13 and take on the world. Will I ever like it as a whole? Well, its not improbable. You like what you have, work on what you don’t, and never ever EVER subdue to outside forces. Just live your damn life.

I will not be shamed for being any less(or more;) than who I am.